18.5.11
#3
kalau kamu harapkan ada tutorial memakai hijab hana tajima,
maka tekanlah butang pangkah di sudut hujung.
kalau kamu sangka ada review alat kosmetik terbaru keluaran mentholatum,
tekanlah butang pangkah tersebut.
kalau kamu mahu cerita tentang pandangan saya terhadap fenomena maxi dress dan kesannya terhadap
masyarakat berbadan pendek,i think u know what to do.
bottom point is, ini tulisan paling raw yang kamu akan jumpa.
raw bermakna langsung dari fikiran pada saat ia difikirkan.
raw bermakna, keadaan sekeliling yang terjadi yang mencetus penulisan ini.
raw bermakna, dari hati.
suka,benci, sakit, jahat, baik penceritaan akan datang,
semuanya dari hati.
#2
i dont know about you tetapi sy rasa seseorang itu perlu at par with their names.
dan nama itu punya signifikan besar terhadap empunya nama.
exhibit A: seseorang bernama Abdul Mustakim.dia seorang warden di sekolah berasrama penuh.
dalam hati kecil saya berkata,his name itself sounds like a teacher.
expectation.perception.
exhibit B: ada seseorang yang bernama danial rishqi.
expectation saya dia berwajah kacak.
dan kalau usianya baru 2 tahun, expectation saya dia punya bilangan "like" paling banyak di FB.
exhibit C: Apabila namanya rabiatul adawiyah,
expectation saya dia punya masa depan cemerlang,punya pekerjaan yang bagus
jadi begitulah, ada certain names yang kita perlu at par dengan nama tersebut.
dan saya rasa kalau danial rishqi mengalami breakout pada mukanya semasa puberty,
pasti dia rasa kecewa.random people yang mengetahui namanya dan melihat mukanya in the same time juga akan kecewa.
ataupun rabiatul adawiyah,
bila mana realitinya dia cuma seorang pelayan restoran.part timer.
bukanlah pekerjaan itu tidak bagus, its great..
cuma tidak at par with the greatness of her name.
jadi, apa alternative bagi danial dan rabiatul?
hidup dalam sesalan sepanjang hidup kerana tidak dapat memenuhi kehebatan nama mereka sendiri?
atau live with the best that they can live kerana nama hanyalah satu nama,yang penting amalan kita kepada-Nya?
well, semuanya perception.
bukan perception saya, kamu atau dia.
tapi mereka sendiri.
kalau mereka rasakan yang hidup mereka sudah cukup baik sekarang,maka ignore perception orang lain.
danial rishqi tidak berwajah kacak tetapi dia hebat dalam culinary skills.
rabiatul adawiyah tidak punya pekerjaan hebat tapi dia punya keluarga yg sayang padanya.
langsung, masih perlukah untuk live at par dengan kehebatan nama sendiri?
semuanya perception.
saya harap danial dan rabiatul are at ease sekarang.
oh,
(bukan exhibit)nama saya nur ilmiah.
cahaya ilmu.
go figure.
#1
orang kata internet ni semua jadi berani
tapi dalam realiti..haram
seperti beyonce dan sasha fierce.
maka itu alter ego.
embrace
17.8.10
15.8.10
You want to eat carrot cake with cheese cream on top but kamu lactose intolerance.what do you do?
Maybe saya tidakla sesinikal mana,tidakla sekarkastik mana kerana I just realized when it comes to love I'm a fool.and I trust most of us are.kalaupun bukan cinta saya,I have the urge to try and mend things back.but then this morning,i realized that love is not just about trusting him to not pull the trigger. Its also about accepting the fact that sometimes things happen,shit happens with no reason.
analogi: I trust him with all my heart to not pull the trigger and by all means he did what he could but suddenly a big bird came flying towards him and out of shocked,the trigger been pulled.
nah, kalaupun analogi ini lame tp you get the idea right?shit happens for no reason.and bilamana keadaan ini terjadi apa yg harus kita lakukan?I guess we die,literally.the love dies.and tika itu kita harus move on.the signs are given,why would we hold on?kerana trust.we trust something so much we cannot let go.tapi as much as we want to trust we cannot run from reality.seperti bila reality dtg mengetuk pintu,and we slammed the door,reality comes through the window.reality akan ada banyak cara untuk give us sign yg ini momentnya.ini moment untuk let go atau ini moment untuk hold on.terpulang saja pada kita untuk terima atau ignore.ignore.the funny thing about ignoring is its a bliss.semua pun tahu.jadi bagaimana?
Percaya pada hati.itu sahaja yg tinggal.pernah satu ketika bila saya berada pada my lowest moment,I came across a quote yg lebih kurang begini;
'Percayakan hatimu apabila ia bersedih kerana kesedihan tidak pernah berbohong'
Percayakan hati kamu,instinct kamu pada saat ini.dengar apa ia katakan.was it let go atau hold on?kerana apa juga keputusan kamu,ia harus datang dari hati.dari hati yang tidak diinfluence oleh mana2 agenda,mana2 environment,mana2 pengalaman.cuma hati kamu.hati yang naif dan berhati baik pada dasarnya.dengar ya?
Untuk apa juga kekusutan kamu kawan kawan,saya doakan tuhan kasi ketenangan dan kekuatan.setiap orang diuji berbeza2.jangan pernah fikir kamu bodoh memikirkan masalah sebegini.tuhan yakin kamu boleh usaikan,itu sebab masalah itu diajukan pada kamu.
P/s: you scrap off the cheese cream and you eat the carrot cake.kadang2 tidak semua benda kita akan dapat.harsh,but always true.eat, and move on.
Happy weekend people
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.
6.8.10
sometimes when we bake, the cake would turn out ugly.
kadang2 i think i live a life of denials. a series of denials and indecisive choices. its like this one minute i actually am glad that life is as it is and the other minute i think that i deserve more.
when i finished my studies 3 months ago, my plan was finding a job in the food industry because that's what i wanted to do. but life, twisting everything around, offer something else. the offer was in a biological form, it offers my father. my father asked me to join him in his company, an oil & gas related company.no matter how much you try, oil & gas and food industry doesnt blend in.and during that time, 3 months ago, i said to myself; what do i have to lose? i mean people are desperately finding jobs and an offer came to me.so i grab it, without too much thought.
now, here comes the story that i couldnt tell anyone face to face because it hurts me so much. one week joining my father's company, an offer came for me to work.in the city.at that time, i was happy.i was happy i make myself hear jay z ft alicia keys's state of empire all day.
In New York,
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can't do,
Now you're in New York,
These streets will make you feel brand new,
The lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York
of course i didnt get to work in new york.pfft.it was in kuala lumpur.takkan nak tulis lirik mizz nina ft colby adonis pulakkan.-_-"
but then, life twist the story again.parents come into the picture.they say no and that means no.you see, i spend half of my 23 years away from home so my parents think its the best for me to put down the offer and consider working somewhere nearer.and at that time, being the clueless me, i didnt think much.i put the offer down.
now, when u you think about it, what kind of person after 3 weeks of finishing studies would let go an offer of building her own career?well, you just met one.the problem with me is i dislike thinking.i hate the fact that a decision must be made and not making a decision is the decision, as i recall my friend say.so i trust that everything's gonna be okay.
but then, yesterday, my conscience made a call.a wake up call.i woke up from bed thinking what if i took that job?or what if i took my supervisor's offer to do my masters?what if?there, when i do the thinking, things get messed up.so i cried.i cried out of regret, out of dissapointment to myself.what am i thinking?what had i done?ignorance's a bliss but its still stupid.kan?
so yesterday again, i spend almost the whole day thinking.what i wanna do.what i want to achieve.and yet i still don't know.and it make me cry even louder.is it just me or does everybody has the same 'feeling-lost' issue?as much as i tell people to move on, me myself, yours truly, cant.its as if i'm stuck with my older life, the life which was so simple and kind.no responsibilities, nothing.
well, i don't expect anyone(if any) to understand, this is just me pouring my heart out.like i say, this place may not going to make you feel better, but its a place to start with.and i'm starting with it.the journey to not feeling-lost.whatever that means.
p/s: if you are reading this, then thank you.you just wasted about 10 minutes(?) of your life reading about sorrow and crap.as if you dont have anything better to do or as if you've not heard enough.so i appreciate the effort.thank you.thank you.=')
4.8.10
maraschino on top
good luck ya people =)
3.8.10
i baked oreo cheesecake because that is what i'm good at
i'm mia(although there a like gazillions name people call me)and i'm 23 years old. i pretty much dont know what to do in life but i do know i want to find out.so this is me, the lost girl in search of a job, and herself.bear with me people =)